Equal treatment of children [Archives:2002/39/Last Page]

Written by Abdulrahman Mutahhar
Translated by Janet Watson
Ma – Oh Mus’id, if you want to do good in God’s eyes and win favor from my family, please go round to my brother’s after the mosque this evening, then have supper there and spend the evening.
M – If you’re sure your family are going to sell the house and the buyer’ll be there, I’ll go even if it is after the evening prayer. I reckon my commission will be around 150,000 riyals!
Ma – They’re not about to sell the house, so you can get that idea out of your head. The thing is my nephew from my brother’s first wife came over last night, and he was really upset about his father.
M – What’s that got to do with me? He and his father should make up on their own.
Ma – Yes, I know that, but my nephew was complaining that his father doesn’t treat him and his half-brother fairly. He wants you to go over and talk to his father, perhaps he’ll come to his senses and realize he should treat his children equally, as we’ve been told to do by God and His Prophet (PBUH).
M – Peace be upon him and his family and companions. That would be a good thing to do. Between me and you though, Mus’ida, your brother isn’t the brightest one of the family. When his new wife came along, she exploited the fact that he’s not very clever, and got him to neglect his duties towards his first wife and her son and forget all the time they’d spent together. This is one of the troubles of having more than one wife.
Ma – You’re right there, but when the first wife realized that her husband wasn’t treating her properly because of the stupidity and selfishness of her co-wife, she kicked the tenant out of her own house and set up home there. She wasn’t going to make trouble for herself.
M – The fact is, Mus’ida, that your brother’s first wife is a true gem, but unfortunately he wasn’t able to look after his gem properly.
Ma – Exactly. These days no one seems able to tell the difference between a pearl and its shell. As the Yemeni saying goes, ‘Mix it# together, Fagih, it’s all ours anyway!’* Then that upstart went and ousted the one who belonged, and all the problems have been dumped on that poor son of the first wife.
M – Go on!
Ma – What I mean is that the son of the first wife simply wants his father to treat him and his brother equally. It’s not right that he should favor one son over another.
M – You’re quite right. You have to treat your children equally in all ways, and that’s one of the things our religion teaches us in no uncertain terms. Fathers who aren’t fair and who don’t follow what their religion teaches them are quite out of order.
Ma – Absolutely! Now go over and talk to my brother. Tell him that he’s opened his pocket and his heart to his son from his second wife at the expense of the son from the first wife.
M – What do you mean?
Ma – My brother favors his son from the last wife; he sends him to school, and helps him get his school certificates through bribery.
M – He may as well feed him knowledge with a wooden spoon, like my grandmother used to spoon-feed children local ghee. He doesn’t want to learn, and he doesn’t deserve to be educated. It’s like sowing seeds in a desert!
Ma – Exactly! But the son from the first wife, who does want to learn, and cries because he wants to go to school, has been forced out of school by his father. The father then went and bought him a battered old dabbab, and told him to go and fend for himself and his mother. He told him not to show his face again, and to get it out of his head that he still had a father.
M – That’s wicked, Mus’ida. Islamic scholars tell us that fathers who don’t treat their children fairly will have to account for it before God. Also don’t forget that treating children unfairly is bound to build up resentment and jealousy between them, and if siblings resent each other you can’t expect to have a cohesive society based on trust and love. Anyway, after evening prayer I’ll come and pick you up, then we can both go over and give your brother a piece of our mind. And we’ll stay put until he sees sense and agrees to treat his children fairly, exactly as we’ve been taught to do by Islam. Fair treatment of our children is the basis of love and respect within the family, and love and respect within the family is the basis for love and respect within society as a whole. This is something that not only your brother, but all fathers, must get into their heads!
# Reference to different types of grain.
 

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