The family: A subjective public case [Archives:2008/1139/Community]
By: Tareq Al-Adil
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We mostly listen and see in the various media – television, radio, newspapers, etc., and with the contribution of true stories from real life – people talking about subjective public cases that narrate society's care and culture. People likely are grumbling about how such things happen in a society that ostracizes them.
First, you see people become unwise through a tyrant who uses tricks to convince them of his concepts. At the same time, they feel heartache and sorrow for victims of injustice and hopelessly disheartened at such victims' rights being taken away. Nevertheless, when victims get their rights back in the end, which is the way of life, people are happy at the result, welcoming justice and condemning falsehood. We live in a society with a mixture of idealism, principles, customs and traditions. However, these traditions have begun to fade with the reality and existence of new challenges that didn't exist before. Society has started a new vision of gaining more experience.
Many cases arising in actual life can be solved easily. Even though, with the crowding of life, there's no time to think about these problems and no time taken to solve these matters, people are stunned at finding a solution for every single issue. One then see these problems go through families roughly and hear sighs, moans and groans from such individuals. Don't be surprised when others complain about their close relatives – ones whom Allah created to establish this earth and who are responsible before Allah, his or her fellow citizens and his country to build this nation. From my words, you may wonder who “he” is and that is, the male head of the house. I was wondering about why some people complain about their parents. Such complaints aren't limited to a specific age or gender, but include all categories. When we draw nearer to these people and listen to their miserable stories, we can feel the pain from the depths of their hearts. We sometimes allege that these stories are a type of imagination, however, they are true. Why are some parents unafraid of Allah? Why do they destroy their children's lives, ruin their future and damage their families? Why don't they consider the ramifications of their behavior toward their children? Why do they lie to others and defame their children's reputation? Why do they plot and conspire against their poor children? Unbelievably, there are stories like this in our society.
Allah commands children to obey their parents and be dutiful toward them, making it conditional to obey Him. Everyone that I've met who is related to these stories is so obedient to their parents, doing everything they can to make them happy and delighted. To the contrary, their parents aren't satisfied with what their children do for them, requiring more and more. Such treatment burdens their children, which makes their patience slowly ebb away until immorality and wickedness start to occur. Why does this happen? We can easily find the answer. When patience is gone, anger arises and the reaction will be huge. The action that is about to occur is unexpected because it is happening in real time.
Many stories involve such wickedness as cursing, assaulting or wishing one's parents dead and then killing them. These behaviors are so aggressive and offensive that Allah, others and society in general can't condone them. It's awful to see children treating their parents in such a rough or crude way because it's unnatural.
Thus, parents should give their children the opportunity to express their feelings, their dreams and their lives. They should help them use their cumulative experiences and then push them toward a good life. Additionally, they must believe in their children and understand what they mean. On the other hand, children must do their best for their parents, as Allah commands, and remain firmly in the midst of reality. Each one should share in all aspects of this life, with every family member caring for the others. In this way, life will be wonderful; otherwise, it will be a slice of hell on earth.
What causes a parent to give a bad look to his children? Moreover, why do children believe they are victims of their parents' injustice? Looking at many miserable stories from society, some common reasons creating these gaps between parents and children are greed to have everything done, not granting others the right to a normal life and the existence of a father's spiteful wife.
Wrong thinking that “my children are my slaves” dominates some parents' minds. A human life is the property of no one. Life is created for all people to help each other, not someone in particular.
Cooperation is the foundation that makes life more attractive. When each member looks after the other, a family will be more peaceful and comfortable. Additionally, each member must be allowed his own independent opinion and way of thinking – which isn't necessary to correlate with someone else's – in order to experience a respectful lifestyle.
So, just how can a father's wife ruin the children's lives? Unfortunately, that's what's happening in many tragic stories where the father is like a remote control in his wife's hand and sees nothing because it's like he's in hypnotic trance.
Some wives play a role in destroying all of the bonds and relations within family. They may believe they're doing the right thing, when in fact, they're destroying the entire family – even for themselves. For example, differentiation and discrimination applied among children is particularly rude and harsh, so that the children feel as if they're living in two different families.
For these reasons, I invite all parents to think deeply and responsibly about their families. They must look closely to fix what they can in order to keep their family happy. We have to know that family is the cornerstone of every society, whose substructure depends upon it. The stronger this cornerstone is, the more society develops. Readers may ask how we can solve such matters as these. The answer isn't hard when we know it's in our hands. As Muslims, we must take the first solution from our religion. We must know what Allah commands children do for their parents, which is being obedient, kind, modest and generous toward them.
Likewise, parents must treat their children with fairness, mercy and compassion. Thus, in this way, family bonds will strengthen and all situations will return to normal. Culture, life experience and science also contribute to solving such matters, with all solutions emphasizing that the family unit must be cohesive, well-knit and part and parcel of society at large.
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