Dangers of the waterpipe [Archives:2002/30/Last Page]

Written by Abdulrahman Mutahhar
Translated by Janet Watson
M How does that song go, Musida? Oh God! Oh God! How can I go to the grave alone. What comes after that?
Ma My God! My God! How can I go to the grave alone, no waterpipe, no clay bowl and no spouse.
M Exactly! Now sing up, and lets cheer ourselves up!
Ma Okay, you start and Ill join in!
M I think it would sound much nicer with your voice. I dont want to frighten people away with mine!
Ma Youre the one who asked for the song, so you should start!
M What do you think? Which song should we sing, Four-and-twenty blackbirds baked in a pie or should we sing, My God! My God! How can I go to the grave alone, no waterpipe, no clay bowl and no spouse.
Ma Stop all this nonsense and tell me whats on your mind.
M Nothing in the world apart from the new mafraj, which cost me 150,000 riyals.
Ma Put that out of your mind. Nothings left of it. As long as youre okay, thats the main thing.
M Please someone listen to me! If only wed be able to enjoy the mafraj properly, I wouldnt mind! But youve just thrown away 150,000 riyals in a flash.
Ma As I said, the mafraj is not more important than me and you. Dont be so distressed!
M Im not so being so distressed, but I am upset about the distress that befell the new mafraj. It was there to make the house look nice and make us proud!
Ma You cant cry over spilt milk, nor can you undo whats already been done.
M What should I say, then, nevermind? What happened happened, and all because of you!
Ma Come on! It was the cat that did it and no one else! It saw a fly or something at the other end of the room and sprang on to it, upsetting the waterpipe on to the furniture with the clay bowl full of burning charcoal!
M Tell me, Musida, can you think of anyone we both know who works in journalism?
Ma Of course! My nephew is a journalist. Hes got a newspaper. He doesnt know what to write in it, and he cant find anyone to buy the paper!
M What luck and good fortune! Come on, Musida, call him this minute and give him the following piece of urgent news: Single clay bowl cost Musid 150,000 riyals!
Ma Have you nothing to say apart from that, or am I just lucky enough to be the butt of your wit, like every other day!
M For goodness sake, and exactly who is the butt of whose wit, me or you?
Ma Can we not get away from this subject? Ive already told you: I went out to stop the children fighting in the hall, and the cat leapt across upsetting the waterpipe on to the mafraj furniture and setting it alight. This was the fate of the mafraj from the moment it was still in the factory.
M And this is exactly what I want to tell people in all the papers! Musida welcomed the new mafraj with a waterpipe, had a couple of puffs and tipped the lit bowl over on to the mafraj furniture, aided by a cat!
Ma Im telling you, I went out of the room to split the children up. They were fighting in the hall. Cant you get that into your head!
M And Im telling you that while the mafraj was burning away steadily, you were splitting up the children.
Ma And whats wrong with that, eh? Does it contravene international law?
M I dont know about international law, but it does contravene basic laws of health and safety which deal with the hazards of fire and smoke. The last time, you knocked it over in the hall, and your son tripped over it and took two weeks to recover. This time, youve ruined brand-new mafraj furniture worth 150,000 riyals. As long as you have the waterpipe, the house wont be safe from the dangers of fire or noxious fumes, and you wont be safe from the dangers of smoking including the possibility of contracting tuberculosis!


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