Educated women: between misunderstanding and misbehavior [Archives:2008/1183/Community]

August 21 2008

By: Adel Hassan Al-Adlany
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How nice to find writers like Maged Al-Kholidy talking about youth issues through his wonderful window, “The Mind's Eye.” Actually, I've fallen in love with this honorable newspaper, the Yemen Times, twinkling with knowledge and enlightenment as bright as daylight.

I'd like to write spontaneously on the topic of whether to marry educated or uneducated women because it's one of the most sensitive things young men in Yemen must contemplate. I'm not going to talk philosophically, like Socrates or Plato; instead, I'll use the language of reality and logic.

“Why do most Yemeni young men not wish to marry educated young women?” This question has disturbed my mind both day and night. I've searched books and encyclopedias, thinking about this subject to the point of hallucination, but I haven't found a convincing answer.

Nevertheless, I persevered until, after a lengthy search, I finally stumbled upon the answer. After visiting a particular faculty, I found the truth in reality, which is that “educated women are somewhere between misunderstanding and misbehavior.”

Most Yemeni men have a misconception about educated women, particularly those studying at university, believing such women are extremely bad, proud and treacherous; therefore, they aren't as good as illiterate women.

I once asked one junior student, “Why don't you get an educated wife?” He then turned to me angrily and exclaimed, “What are you talking about?! Do you want me to have a minister to dominate me? No, it's impossible!”

Seeing that he was angry and stressed, I didn't press the matter because I feared for his health. Such people aren't persuaded easily except by the pragmatic “school of life,” wherein they see matters as they really are.

Another young man responded to the same question, “I don't want to marry an educated girl because they make relationships with more than 100 guys, perhaps sitting closely in the company of a handsome one, talking, smiling and exchanging love letters and stories of infatuation.”

I was shocked to hear such scathing words because, as the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, “Educated individuals belong to the soil of wisdom.” Misunderstanding has become such a fashion that it's not strange to come across such ignorant individuals in the guise of education.

However, I'm afraid this will become an intricate disease that's hard to manipulate as such people neglect the prudence of sayings like, “Don't judge a person without knowing all the facts,” generalizing certain cases from only one side.

On the other hand, undoubtedly, there are girls wanton in both morals and values. They're like butterflies, flitting from one place to another to collect honey.

The most recent mediums used to entice young women can be perceived in their imitating bad models of fashion, wearing makeup in public places, bragging and swaggering in both talk and walk. Such young women imagine themselves as empresses and princesses, forgetting that they live in a conservative Islamic society.

These types of women are a heavy burden upon the shoulders of virtue and they reflect the misbehavior that causes many young men to stay far away. Do you really think such women can really be wives in the future? I don't because such types know nothing of the responsibilities and duties of marriage except chewing gum and licking a lollipop.

Logically, dealing with this social knot requires faithful efforts by both sexes to correct the wrong thinking that has infiltrated our society through illegal methods for ignoble aims.

We should seek to find urgent solutions rooted in fidelity and cooperation; otherwise, we'll create a misanthropic generation, which would encumber the movement toward development. For this reason, it's better to inculcate noble principles and virtues leading society to live in heavenly happiness.

Nothing in this life is entirely good or entirely bad, as everything is a mixture. It simply depends on us and our capacity as to how we can retain the good and filter out the bad.

However, I don't believe the wrong is in our personality itself; rather, it is latent in the venomous ideas and concepts imported from those societies famous for trading honor. Thus, we are witnessing a cold and ambiguous war, so be careful, my friends.

Accordingly, I sincerely urge my fellow educated young men studying at various faculties and colleges to remove their dark glasses and attempt to look carefully at their life affairs, in particular, marriage.

A successful marriage is based on similarities and consistencies in many aspects, including morally and intellectually. It doesn't depend primarily on money or social class, as some believe; rather, it's determined by one's values system.

Compared to uneducated women, I believe educated women are better, but I don't mean the type previously mentioned. I mean those sophisticated young women dressed in the gown of shyness, veiled with decorum and adorned with words of wisdom. Thus, I add to what Al-Kholidy already has said.

In comparison, an educated wife at least knows how to care for herself as a human being. By this, I mean cleanliness, which is a trait of faith, because Allah loves both cleanliness and beauty.

Additionally, she knows how to behave well with her husband, understanding his wishes and desires, whereas an uneducated wife simply may know how to carry stones on her head and make loud voices.

An educated woman can raise children properly, based on love and cordiality. For example, upon returning home from work, you'll be greeted warmly with a rapturous chorus of, “Baba! Baba!” and lovely kisses straight from the heart that just may melt away your fatigue. My fellow men, wouldn't you want such an educated wife?

Answer or not, but you have to know that a woman is a man's spiritual home and this home is the basis of society. Just as we build our homes, so we can build our nation. As Ahmad Shawqi said, “A mother is a school; thus, when prepared well, you'll have a sophisticated generation.”

The long and short of it is that although educated women often are considered victims of misunderstanding by some young men and the misbehavior of some wanton young women, some of them still are better than illiterate women, so the decision is left for you to think about and reconsider, friends.

Remember, when choosing your life partner, you must employ both the heart's bells and the mind's intuition. And don't forget to invite us to your wedding party to share in your gaiety, pleasure and congratulations. Salaam!