Jealousy not a right at all, Dear Maged! [Archives:2007/1109/Community]
By: Lamis Abdulkarim Shuga'a.
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In the first instance, I need to say thank to Mr. Maged for his usual interesting articles which, besides, have been various, i.e., social, moral, religious, cultural and so on. In other words, they are related to different aspects of life. His last article, which was published on the 22nd of November, issue no. 1105, was really an important and serious topic that must be taken into account because of its danger whether among members of a family in general or between a husband and a wife in particular. However, there are some points in which, I think, I have different opinions. Maged has asked whether jealousy is men's or women's right. Actually and firstly, I want to ask him a question: is love or hate, which is a part of human beings nature, a right for men or women?!! What I need to say is that jealousy is considered to be inner sense exists inside every normal person just like love, hate, hunger, fear, hope, etc., and that what is, consciously or unconsciously, confirmed by Maged himself when he says 'jealousy is considered as a basic human feeling'. Then, it is somewhat a strange matter to make any kind of feeling, whatever it is, as a right. But, we can say, the difference may lie on: to what extent men and women are jealous, the degree of jealousy in each one, the way of thinking about or using it in daily life and so on. Consequently, it can be inquired: who is more jealous and why? Until now, we may agree that everyone has this feeling. Some of them, on the other hand, don't believe or care about it at all, others don't like to show jealousy even if they feel it. For a reason or another, some people are very jealous and, moreover, they deliberately show that, whereas the last kind of people, which is the most dangerous kind, is represented by those who are blinded by jealousy. In other words, those people, whether men or women, cause many troubles and problems in their lives to others and to themselves as well justifying that that 'abnormal behaviors' as a kind of love. For me, that last kind is increasing more and more, spreading just as a malignant disease which spreads in a body destroying everything. It will be better to call that suspicion but not jealousy, and there is absolutely several differences between both of them. People who always suspect of others I considered them as ill ones, needed to be cured.
Shedding some light on another point, I like too much Maged's words when he has said “the reason of this feeling -jealousy- is a matter of culture. I completely agree with him since, one day, I argued with a Christian friend about jealousy. He told me that in their Bible there is nothing called jealousy, because it is regarded as a bad feature, bringing many problems. He justified that if there was confidence between husbands and wives, there would be no need for jealousy at all. I think, that dear friend, has a difficulty to differentiate between jealousy and suspicion.
Hence, we can say, a little of 'soft' jealousy isn't a danger. Instead, as it is known, jealousy is related with love. I mean, wherever love exists, jealousy also exists. In my opinion, moreover, it is an evidence of love, since some lovers become happier when they feel the other side is jealous. It is not a surprising matter to the readers if they know that some husbands feel sad if they notice that their wives aren't jealous, thinking that their wives don't love or care about them and vice versa. What's more, that may lead to the lack of emotion and coolness relationship between them. However, 'hard' jealousy almost certainly leads to unexpected problems. I knew a 21-university-girl made suicide just a couple of months ago because of her 'silly' jealousy from her little sister who was treated somewhat kindly by the mother.
Another point in Maged's article paid my attention. Some people reject women's jealously claiming that they are men and they can do anything since it is not considered as a social shame as in the case of women!! Additionally, they are men and can marry more than one wife according to our religion. Suppose a woman asks her husband divorce, telling him that she will marry another one living with him happily and comfortably for economical reasons, for example. According to our Islam, she doesn't make wrong and socially she is allowed to do so because it is her life and she is free. But, what is the husband's feeling at that time?! I think the word 'jealousy' is not enough at all in such a situation. Can we ask that husband to not feel jealous because what his wife asks is her right?! Absolutely, it is impossible! Thus, I am going to conclude by saying that jealousy is not considered as a right. It is, in fact, a normal feeling inside everyone, even children and infants. But we should control ourselves as possibly as we can for a safe life that is because showing jealousy excessively will definitely bring troubles.
Finally, I have noticed that Maged has already presented others' opinions, wishing to present his personal own points of view regarding this exiting topic. I hope from all to get my points kind-heartedly.
Lamis Abdulkarim Ahmed Shuga'a: is an English teacher from Taiz, currently doing her M.A at English Department, Language Center, Taiz University.
This article was written in response to Maged Al-Kholidy's article in issue 1105 titled: Jealousy: Is it men's or women's right?!
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