Leads to distrust, divorcePlaying with marital secrets [Archives:2004/795/Culture]

December 2 2004

By Yemen Times Staff
Taiz Bureau

Marital affairs are always subject to problems that test the strength of the marriage love between couples, especially when these problems don't lead to separation and divorce.
There are traditional kinds of quarrels that all families in all communities are accustomed to; this is the kind of troubles that are about the house, children, and the expenses. Simply the husband and his wife solve these matters.
But what happens when revealing the marital secrets before relatives and friends? Does one of them forgive his or her partner? This is considered the most sensitive topic to be afforded by any of them. Is the trust between partners shaken or does it remain the same?
These questions were asked some husbands and wives.

Some women boasting
We asked Ayman's mother about whether the marital secrets are a public matter that other people can easily receive.
She answered saying: “The marital secrets can never be revealed to others because they are related only to the husband and wife; none of them should mentioned to anybody, though it is of the close relatives. Their respect is lessened in the eyes of others; they will be subjected to mockery by both friends and relatives.
“This matter takes place when a wife talks boastfully in front of others; she shows of by narrating her husband's kind treatment and then she goes on explaining details without feeling that it is shame to do so. This wife doesn't understand that her talk is the source of mockery. Her life becomes like an open book that can be read by any one. This is the way she destroys her house.
“The same thing can similarly happen by the husband who reveals the marital. Such behaviors are by no means of manliness.”

Where they get my secrets
Ali Saeed thinks that, “women are revealing marital secrets in details more than men. I, for example, separated from my wife because of this problem. My marital life was unbearable; wherever I go I was preceded by my marital secrets that are only connected with my wife and me.
“I was wondering where those secrets that shouldn't leave the walls of the bedroom are leaking. My wife was the only source of revealing secrets. What makes the problem more complicated is that when I talked with her about this thing, she didn't deny but considered it a matter of entertainment to talk about such secrets or, otherwise to present me in a better picture.
“That's not an insulting talk or about secrets in her view. Then I realized that my life with her became impossible; I lost my trust in her. I thus decided to separate from her.”

Men are revealing more
To be fair, giving a woman's viewpoint, we met M. S. A. who said: “it is unfair to blame only the woman for revealing the marital secrets. I know some men who feel interested in narrating their stories with their wives in details in a very shameful manner. When a wise man tried to advise them not to do so, their response is “she's just a women.” I don't think those people are counted real men; they are not trusted at all. Likewise, as there are some bad women, there are some similar men.”

Absence of love and trust
Mohammed al-Jaradi thinks that, “revealing marital secrets cause various problems. When the trust and love between partners is lost, this phenomenon starts spreading widely. Then their life can't go on.
“The husband won't feel happy because of the doubt he might be in. He will believe that his wife doesn't love and respect him. He may start thinking of a second wife as the best solution. The gap between them becomes larger so that they'll ignore the rights of each other and their duties as well.
“Islam and the social customs concentrate on keeping the marital secrets even after divorce maintaining the honor of the family.”
One mother also took part in this argument saying that: “The marital secrets shouldn't be revealed to anybody regardless of his or her relation because they are only concerned with the partners who are supposed to be as one body.
Of the principles of the sacred relation, marriage is to keep secrets which revealing them is a threat to it. Revealing the marital secrets reveals ill-mannered and weak believing people.