Marriage in Abyan: Exquisite Rituals [Archives:1998/24/Culture]

1-Betrothal stage
Before making the engagement public, the bridegroom’s family sends a person called ‘khatib’ or matchmaker, to make the preparations for the betrothal with the bride’s family. When the bridegroom is accepted, a day for betrothal is specified. The matchmaker tells the bridegroom about the day agreed on. After that, the bridegroom goes with the company of his father and a socially esteemed person who can be sometimes the tribe’s Sheikh to be a witness. They bring with them some coffee in a sack. After the two families have a tea or coffee session, the bridegroom’s father throws that coffee on the ground. If it is collected by the bride’s father, it is a sign of accepting the bridegroom. Then, the topic of marriage is kicked off by the family of the bridegroom. They ask the other side about their conditions, some of which are as follows:
* The bride’s father asks for ‘Al-dafea’, money estimated at YR 120,000 including all the expenses of betrothal, marriage and clothes for the bride and her relatives. Sometimes her father asks for YR50,000 excluding the gold required and other expenses.
* Specifying the duration of the spousal which is usually one year. They also agree on the expenses of this period of time which are to be paid monthly. It is called ‘sahantaha’.
* They also agree on ‘Haq Al-Om,’ around YR26,000 paid to the mother of the bride.
* The father of the suitor asks the other side to bring ‘Radiha’, a female servant to serve their daughter during the marriage ceremony.
When they agree on these conditions, the fianc’s father puts YR 50,000 on the coffee sack.
The next day a written document of these conditions is signed by the two families. Then the fiancee’s father invites the bride and his father to a very delicious meal to show respect and hospitality. The dinner consists of broth, meat and ‘Reha’e’ or ‘Muklum’ which is mashed corn.
Before the spousal is a week old, the suitor and his family are invited to a similar meal at dinner.
Before the day of betrothal, the suitor presents his fiancee ‘A-shal’, a suitcase full of different sorts of clothes, make-up, sandals shampoo, and toothpaste. He also gives some clothes to her mother, sisters, and aunts. He brings with him four goats, a bag of flour, sugar, spices, wood and gas for cooking lunch. In the afternoon the hairdresser starts beautifying the bride. ‘Al-Shahetha’, a group of people come to serve the family. Then , the bride and the bridegroom are brought among the people where the bride is given the betrothal ring and other gold . The two families members dance till dawn. Of course, the suitor is to pay for all these expenses. Here the betrothal stage comes to an end.
2- Contraction of Marriage Stage
It takes place a week before marriage
1-The first day of marriage called ‘Sharh’, is the announcement of marriage. A ‘shahetha’ beats the drum while people dance. Tea or coffee is also served.
2-The second day is known as Al-Henna day wherein the bride is ornamented with henna. A ‘shaheth’ is brought with his drum. He brings with him a ‘masrafa’, a circular vessel made of straw and puts a grain of corn on it. He starts drumming and people dance throwing money on the ‘masrafa’. A ‘Daloo’, bucket, is put beside the bridegroom for ‘Al- Rafada’, money paid to the bridegroom by his friends and relatives as a debt. This colorful ceremony continues till daybreak. The bridegroom is to host his guests and make them a hearty meal.
The henna ceremony of the bride is held the next day. It is also called “Zakrah” where the bride wears her night gown covered with the ‘fotah’ or loin cloth of her father and sits at the corner of the room. A ‘shahetha’ starts drumming and a ‘masrafa’ with a grain on it is put beside her.
The main difference between the henna ceremony of the bride and the bridegroom is that the money paid to the bride is not put in the ‘daloo’ but in her ‘fotah’. It is called ‘Rafadatha Haq Al-Henna’. The fiancee’s is to pay the expenses of this ceremony including the hosting of guests.
3- Third day: ‘Youm Al-Ghusl’, washing day
The bride has to have a shower and dress himself in new clothes. A calf is slaughtered and a delicious meal is served consisting of rice, broth, reha’e and porridge. After lunch, the bridegroom stands at the front of his house with his brothers. A shahath starts beating his drum. People start giving “A-rafadah” with their names mentioned among the public. This rafadah ceremony lasts for some hours. It should be mentioned that the expenditures of the wedding ceremony is to be paid by the bridegroom. He has also to give clothes to the bride and her mother and her sisters just like during betrothal.
The washing of the bride is made the next day following that of the bridegroom. She sits at the corner of her room covered with the ‘fotah’ of her father while a ‘monakisha’, a traditional make-up lady, ornaments her hands and feet.
Now lunch is served to the guests while the bride and her friends have theirs later on. Then she goes to the bathroom to have a shower and after that dresses herself in the washed green clothes. The ‘Al-Radiha’ and hairdresser accompany her to the bathroom to get her dressed while people go to their houses to change their clothes and come back again.
The bride sits with a ‘shahetha’ and people start dancing, giving some money and presents to the bride. The washing ceremony continues for some hours.
4- Fourth day: wedding day
The bride has to bring with her many things like kitchen utensils, four matresses, four sheets, a tape recorder, a ‘masrafa’ for keeping bread in, crockery, sweets, food stuff, and two goats. All these things are sent to the bridegroom with the bride’s suitcase. She also brings with her clothes for the bridegroom’s mother, sisters, and aunts.
On the wedding night, the bride’s mother goes to the bridegroom’s house and burns incense in her daughter’s room. The bride comes bringing with her a ‘radiha’ who stays for two days. Then comes ‘Al-Dukhla’, or the wedding night.
5- Fifth day: Al-Subhya
After the wedding night, the bridegroom goes before noon to his mother-in-law and gives her Haq Al-Om. In the afternoon the hairdresser styles the bride’s hair and dresses her in a lavishly beautiful dress. She puts on ‘shukur, kathi, mashmoom’ – all are diverse roses having beautiful scents. The shahetha drums while cakes and beverages are served to the guests.
6- Sixth day: Al-Thalith
During this day the bride puts on beautiful clothes. The guests eat cake, have tea and listen to music.
7- Seventh day: Al- Sab’e
It marks the tenth day after the spousal. At this day the bride’s mother and her relatives are invited to lunch at the bridegroom’s. The mother brings sweets, coffee, corns, peanuts, almonds, and raisins for her daughter.
At this point the marriage rituals come to an end. Of course, these conventions differ from one village to another.
By Sana Qannan
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