Why marriages fail? [Archives:2004/743/Last Page]

June 3 2004

By Mohammed Zaid
For the Yemen Times

It is fair to say that customs, norms and traditions in our society interfere tremendously in the destiny and the future of some marriages. Many boys and girls are confined and restricted to certain conditions imposed by customs and traditions, which are reinforced by their parents when they decide and plan to get married, such as the right to choose the person to get married to.
Marriage is a spiritual and intellectual bond and partnership before it is a material and an emotional one. Youths, of both genders, intending to get married must be able to choose for themselves the ones they want to get married to. They will be solely responsible for bearing the negative or positive consequences. Any couple should have an opportunity, prior to getting married, to determine whether they are compatible for each other, to try to tolerate any negative habits and to settle any differences, so that they would have only to encounter mutual respect, understanding and trust in order to sustain a long marriage, probably for life. Each couple would be able to establish solid ground to sustain life-long marriage.
Loyalty, satisfaction, candidness, simplicity and other vital characteristics are crucial in judging the outcome of any marriage. Therefore, it would be prudent for any couple wishing to maintain a strong marriage to reach mutual agreement on them prior to getting married.
The interference of parents, usually the father, in forcing his daughter or son to accept a certain marriage, without even being fully persuaded, is not jut wrong but it is illegal in Islamic law. Some still say that persuasion, satisfaction and love come after marriage. This perception has expired in the light of the rapid changes of life in general. Old customs and traditions are no longer valid in sustaining long term marriages, as many marriages based on them end up in divorce. Youths of both genders insist on having a say in their future, especially in choosing their intimate partners, so that if their marriage fails, they are the ones to be blamed instead of throwing the blame on their parents.
Since the issue here is the future of our youths, each father and mother must leave the right of selecting the life-partners of their children to their children themselves. They must respect the opinions and desires of their children. They youth ought not to be intimidated by their parents. Marriage is the start of a new future and should not be decided hastily.