Dancing with pains [Archives:2007/1079/Community]
By: Radhieh Amer
Life is the plushest stage that has been existed up to now. On this stage, we perform the experiences of our life. It does not matter how thrilling or dull our experiences are or how we believe our life should be. Each experience is unique, matchless, and of interest to someone else. A single incident of our everyday events can be expanded into a massive number of articles that are of various interests from one into another. There are some of our experiences that can not be forgotten. One of my experiences that would, as I think, leave a permanent spot in the wall of my memory is that being a director of English Department of one of the institute where I was working there as an English teacher.
When I started working there, I was an English teacher whom could hardly get the job there. Nothing was in my mind more than being a teacher there. Even sometimes I thought that I would go out of that place for there were no enough classes for all the teachers there. I was supposed to be the one who has to go out for I was still a university student and a result of that I had no certificate as others. Days pasted with the company of months. In the fifth month of my working there, I got surprised when the secretary came to me and told me that I am one of the candidates to be a director of English Department after the resign of the director of the department. At that time, I told her that she must be kidding. Such idea never occurred in my mind. Once I was struggling to be only a teacher there especially after I lost my job at the other institute, I would be responsible there and for that department.
After that situation with the secretary, I went home and tried to think profoundly of that issue due to many things. One of them is that I know myself well that I am so sensitive for the thing around me and this will reflect itself in one way or another on my job. Then I am only an inexperienced girl whom known among her classmates that she was not sociable. In fact, I was so due to social circumstances that do not allow me to keep pace with the surrounding. Something else that I thought of it deeply was that I am only a girl from a village and more from so conservative family which of the opinion that the girl has to be a housewife not more than that. Also I thought that if I will work there as a director for that department this would help me in my future having better job.
At that time, I asked one of my brothers what his opinion of such thing is. At the beginning, he opened his eyes widely and inquired ironically, “Does our life experiences limit or expand our ability especially with one like you?” I could not understand him but I know one thing which is that the way of answering my question actually provoked me for a while but I tried to contain myself and think of that subject.
At last, I decided to launch the work there as a director besides handling a class. That was the thing through which the manager of the institute talked about the salary hinting that he, especially at that time, would not be able to pay me a fixed salary but he would give me some amount of money from time to time till the institute pass the financial problems. That time, I accepted such thing thinking innocently or you may say that I was stupid more than anything on the world.
The institute was approximately empty. Being a director there, I had, from my point of view, to work hard to make something new. I started to change the whole system there. I started with the brochure for the sake of making a new one which meets the needs of the students and the institute at the same time. For that purpose I visited many places trying to gather information. I worked day and night to make the new rules that should be followed by the administration, teachers, and the students as well for the good of all. Also we (the administration) distributed advertisements for the institute and we did a lot of things though the manager was all the time complaining of my ways of working in which he had to pay a lot more he imagined, as he was repeating all the time. Really I got tired of his ideas and notions of managing the institute. However, I was yearning to reap the fruit of my tiredness.
For a period of time, I thought that I did succeed. We started many classes and I had qualified teachers whom I felt they all were my own sisters and brothers. Now, I had the right to ask the manger for a fixed salary. I had proved myself as a successful director and as a teacher at the same time as everybody says even the manager himself. Then after long discussions with him which really were fruitless, he gave me a trashy number. At that time, I wanted to leave but I dared not to do so.
I could not imagine myself away from that wonderful staff and my dear hard working students. For, anyone reads these lines; he\she says what a stupid way of thinking. I agree with but sometimes we find ourselves under the control of our emotions to a great extent. Truly, I could not leave the ones (teachers, students, and workers,) whom I gave all of my hard work, cooperation, time, and love. That time, I told myself that you may have approximately nothing financially but you are the richest one here by such kinds of students and teachers.
It was enough for me to feel and taste the love in their words and their ways of dealing with me. That institute was a warm house for us all as teachers as well as students themselves. Every one of them said so and more.
Working there was not easy at all. I encountered many thorny problems in which I succeeded in solving some of them and failed in tackling some others. I was excited to take part in the teachers' duties and to exchange our point of views about the problems faced in the classes. In fact, what was more exciting for me was sharing with the students their own problems either inside class or out. I was all the time happy sharing with them what were in their minds. Although I was not teaching them all, of course, every students there dealt with me as if I was his or her teacher or closer than that. Their respect and kind words washed away my tiredness as well as the pressure of my work at the institute and my study at the university.
Suddenly, everything changed. Some female teachers and the secretary started to deal in a strange way towards me. That time, I struggled and attempted to keep my temper and understand why they were doing so. Unfortunately, I could not understand them all though I considered all of them as my own sisters. As a result, I decided to leave such place and such people for I was working there because I was so comfortable with them all. Now since I lost that sublime feeling, I had to leave that place at least with little good memories in the bag of my life for those teachers and with so sweet memories for the students I used to deal with.
Frankly speaking, that place enabled me to experience the people around me. I got convinced that I have to change my innocent look to all the things and the people around me and stop scarifying for everyone. That place left two big questions inside me “Who was mistaken? And what was wrong? Hopefully, one day I would find the answer for those tiring questions. But at least, I have learnt how to dance with pains.