If you love your children, please do not hit them [Archives:2005/863/Reportage]

Eshraq AL-Bodigi
For Yemen Times
[email protected]
Love is a natural humanity instinct that we cannot ignore. Here, in this subject we are not trying to study if the parents love their child or not? However, we try to beg the kindness of parents towards the child who may be suffering negative results of this love.

Parents' desire to bring up their little baby to become a man or a women who are able to behave decorously and politely, comes out from that instinctive love which was born with the birth of the baby itself. Nevertheless, this desire may take other wrong shapes of behavioral upbringing towards the child, such as hitting and screaming.

Many parents don't know the negative results of this incorrect behavioral upbringing, moreover; numerous of them have known its results, but are not able to refrain from using these ways which is dangerous in many ways.

Children are very sensitive; they feel by all adults' feelings and more. From this point, hitting and screaming represent a large insult and scorn of their ideas, sayings, and behaviors; and in addition to that, these bad treatments with children give them a feeling with inferiority complex and reiterated mistakes. A study that had done by a group of researchers at a Mental Health Institute in Singapore, confirms that hitting children exposes them to many behavioral and emotional problems, also shows that children who are not hit by their parents are less subjected to this kind of problems.

Nonetheless, studies that restricted on this theme prove that physical punishment of children does not deter them from making mistakes again and again, but it hurts their feelings and emotions to the extent that child may forget in so many times the reason of his punishment so, they resumes unconsciously to make the same mistake once more.

Another explanation of repeated mistakes by the child, who are punished physically, could be as a verification of his personality or acts. As a result of this, parents cause in uncounted psychological complexes and physical pains and injuries for their children. At the same time, those parents cannot get what they want from their children like good behavior and respect.

Using force, hitting, and violence with kids do breed more violence and that means the only lesson, which will be taken by the kids from their parents during the psychical punishment is that tragic rule, which says violence does breed wanted things. In the light of this rule, kids are growing up vehemently, thinking that it is the best way to take what they want. Parents should understand that their child is a susceptible recorder that records every saying, acts, and behaviors, which is around him even if it comes out from parents, or people whom are around too.

Let our behaviors program that a pure humanity mind from the first moment of its birth until death becomes in a stage that he is able to use his own smartness and programs. Lets give ourselves a chance to change our behaviors and reprogram ourselves to control our nerves and minds, to be quieter, and to observe the principle of discussion and comprehension which one may lose gradually as a result of continual life pressure upon the human minds.

To reach a stage that is enough persuasive to abandon of hitting and screaming, which leave many physical and psychological problems for the child; we should suggest some suitable replacements to take the place of negative traditional ways.

Many parents especially in Europe and developed countries had replaced those traditional ways with others, which are more advanced and civilized. The advancement and civilization here does not mean using money or economy in the course of treatment with the infant, however it means the direct dealing with his psychological nature and behaviors by using the principle of punishment and reward.

This principle is effective because it follows the situation of the child and his psychological mode, it punishes the kid by things he hates and rewards him by things he likes. According to this principle, the correct behaviorism upbringing program starts with out screaming or physical punishment which is represented by hitting, slapping, etc.

In case of making mistakes, the deprivation of kids from what they like and applying this principle of punishment by their parents according to the type of mistakes which had been done by the kid, helps him to recognize the mistake gradually unless directly from the first time.

Besides, the correct behaviorism upbringing program makes a child more understanding and cautiousness to what he does in the future, while the reward principle, which represented on giving lovely things to the child after achieving required things from him, which enclosed in particular agreements between the child and his parent, helps him to learn respect of deals and agreements, fulfillment of requests, and capability of patience especially if these agreements have limited time.

In addition to that, it is so useful that parents have to respect those human minds, which live small bodies inside of their children. Parents should try to reply the whole questions that their child asks for, but it so important that parents have to be more intelligent and careful when they start to answer these questions. Simply, to avoid the embarrassment, means that parents have to answer the questions by a simple and clever way, which can help the kid to understand things step by step and without any resorting to lying.

Supposed that parents have to explain things without being asked, the child will find himself that he can understand everything around him easily, and parents will find themselves comfortable. If parents are facing any problem with their kid, it is necessary for them to ask some help from specialists in this field. Kindness and feeling of stability save more of hard working in upbringing the child and feeling safety, and domestic stability makes the child more confident in himself and others, it doesn't create a weak personality that bereaved of sympathy.

Also, the understanding and the harmony that existed between the mother and the father of the children themselves about all family matters are so important for the child to keep his awareness unified and not scattered.

Finally, the aim of this object is that; stopping the incorrect behaviors of education, comprehension of some civilized habits may be absent in lots of families around the world, and finding more practical solutions which have less damages for the children, parents, and communities in the same time is a key. Thus, please do not forget that children are the future generation that will open new entrances of glory, progress, and civilization.
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