To love before or after marriage: A contrast ! (Part 1) [Archives:2008/1149/Community]

April 24 2008

By: Maged Thabet Al-kholidy
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Social customs and traditions as well as religious beliefs play a dominant role in one's decisions, especially in sensitive topics like marriage. Unlike some other societies, it is not a rule in Yemen whether to love before marriage or to marry first and let love come later. Actually, I have no experience in this field, so I can't say which case is better than the other.

Which one should precede the other is the question that is discussed in this article and I hope readers, especially those who have experience, give their viewpoints as a matter of an open discussion. In this part, I am going to shed light on some privileges of love before marriage. In the second part, maybe next week, I am going to shed light on the privileges of love after marriage. The conclusion will be drawn on the basis of readers' opinions, which can be sent for publishing to my email or the emails of the newspaper.

Love relation before marriage offers a good situation in which the couple can come closer to one other to discover each other's personality. It tells each one how the other thinks, feels, behaves and deals with others. Knowing such things before marriage gives a clear picture to the couple of what married life is like, offering them a chance to think or give up in case they or any one of them does not want to go further for marriage.

The feeling of love, I think, is strong enough for people to establish a kind of mutual understanding that lightens their marriage life. In such a stage, each one tries to understand the other, doing his/her best to strengthen the relationship so that it goes on after marriage; otherwise they stop at a particular point.

Love before marriage gives each one a picture of how life after marriage will be. Before marriage, the man can realize how his would-be wife will manage things and what the extent of her satisfaction is. Similarly, women get an idea of the husband who would be her partner in life and her children's father.

A romantic relationship before marriage makes the couple fight any difficulties that may occur in the process of marriage. The lady facilitates the process of marriage. The man also does best to overcome any obstacles which may shake the marriage, which sometimes becomes like an ultimate dream for both of them. He sometimes accepts any conditions or demands just for love' sake.

A love relationship makes marriage as a dream. In this case, to achieve this dream becomes a responsibility not only for the man but also for the lady. Both, subsequently, plan and work together. They help each other in many respects, considering marriage a win for both.

In many cases, parents do not hesitate to accept the proposal of the man who has a love relationship with their daughter. They also do not ask for much dowry or any difficult demands, keeping in mind the daughter's feelings and the social reactions towards her and towards the family as a whole. Love in this case makes marriage easier.

A love relationship actually stabilizes the thinking and feelings of both. Having love relation, the couple no longer wastes time thinking about or searching for their future husband or wife. Emotionally, they become satisfied, and subsequently mental, psychological and social rest is established.

Instead of proposing one then the other, it becomes easy for lovers to settle such matters since they already have their mate in mind. At the same time, they are satisfied with their choice. This paves the marriage life for them, overcoming any trivial matters which may occur in days to come. As a result, the number of divorce cases becomes less when marriage is based on love than marriage without love.

These are some of the positive aspects of love before marriage. There might be other privileges, and there are some disadvantages as well. Especially persons of experience, married persons can depict the topic clearly. The topic is therefore left open for readers to give their comments and points of view. Next week, Part 2 of this article will discuss the advantages of marriage before love so that readers can comment on that topic as well.

On the bases of these comments, a conclusion can be drawn so that it may be helpful for those who constantly wonder whether love before marriage is better or marriage before love. This eventually serves the person in his personal future life and, subsequently, solves some social problems related to marriage.

Majed Thabet Al-kholidy is a writer from Taiz, currently doing his M.A. at English Dep, Taiz Uni. He is an ex-editor of English Journal of the University.