To love before or after marriage: a contrast (Part2) [Archives:2008/1153/Community]
By: Maged Thabet Saleh
Welcome again dear readers. In part 1 of this article, I tried to shed light on the privileges of having love before marriage. Some readers have responded to my personal email and others send their opinions to the editor's email. All of them are appreciated, taking the matter as a matter of an open discussion for all.
In this part, I am going to shed light on the privileges of getting married first and letting love come later- love after marriage. In next week's issue, I will show my response to those who responded to Part 1 like Ms. Hanan whose article was published last week.
Again, I am not talking about my own personal opinion since I do not have any experience. The topic is also left open for readers to comment on. I am expecting responses to both part 1 and part 2.
First of all, love relations do not always end with marriage. Love relationships that end without marriage sometimes defame the lovers. Such love becomes a negative aspect for both the man and woman. As a result, the woman might not receive a proposal from any other man if people know about her love story.
Similarly many ladies sometimes reject the proposal of that man. In such a case, love negatively affects the couple so that some people no longer think of love before marriage.
Love after marriage starts fresh and gradually develops in the process of marital life, or so I presume. It is better in a sense than love before marriage, which becomes mature at the time of marriage so that the couple may start getting bored after marriage. Love after marriage, in contrast, starts and goes deeper in the passage of time since there is no transit from one stage to another.
Love after marriage starts at a stage at which neither members of the couple suspects or feels afraid of the other, Such love is not subjected to the future or family circumstances as in the case of love before marriage. In marriage before love, such fears and suspicions do not take place.
The ultimate aim here is how to make this marriage life stable and comfortable. In the case love before marriage, the goal is how to achieve marriage. Marriage is like the climax for this love so that it may not proceed further. But when the relation starts with marriage, it proceeds further to reach the climax of establishing a happy life with children and all means of intimacy.
Love after marriage makes marriage easier because it depends on traditions. Some families exploit the man's love for the lady so that they ask for more and more demands, thinking that he would not refuse since he is in love with her. In the case of traditional love, on the other hand, a lady's parents know that this man can propose to any other lady if he is asked to pay a larger dowry or to give more additional demands.
Marriage before love makes each one accept the other as he or she is. Neither member of the couple thinks that he or she has been deceived by the other. In the case of love before marriage, sometimes one member of the couple discovers that he or she was deceived by the other because of changing his/her personality or his or her treatment with the other. In case of love after marriage, each one takes the other as he or she is. If there are any changes in the treatment or the personality of either of them, no one can claim that he or she was deceived by the other. The changes that occur late after marriage are due to some other reasons like life circumstances or the absence of love.
These are the positive aspects of love after marriage. There might be other privileges. It is left open for readers to comment on such a topic, shedding more light on any other positive or negative aspect of the two cases: marriage before love or love before marriage. All comments are welcomed and appreciated. Such frank discussions may help those who think about getting married so that they can make the right decision in an attempt to avoid social problems.