Who is to be independent: Husband or wife? [Archives:2008/1127/Community]

By: Maged Thabet Al-kholidy
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Women and men are integral partners in life. Allah created them to live together; otherwise, life would be missing something. In other words, man can't live without women and similarly, women can't lead life without a man.

Men and women may interact through various types of social relations, one of the most dominant of which is marriage, wherein husbands and wives agree to be each other's second half.

However, in the course of life, significant issues may arise, one of which is independence of character (personality). By dependence, I don't mean one depends on the other in order to obtain his or her needs, money or anything else. Rather, what I mean is depending on the other in making decisions, managing your personal life, etc.

I've run across many cases in which the husband, wife or both claim independence in many areas related to his or her personal affairs. In some cases, problems sometimes result as husbands and wives keep asking themselves, “Who is to be independent: a husband or a wife?”

In this article, I'm going to raise a question for you readers to answer and that is, “Who is to be independent in his or her personality? Should the husband and wife each have their own independence regarding many of their personal affairs or should they share everything and depend on each other?

To clarify this idea, I want to highlight some real stories wherein husbands and wives manage their personal affairs both dependently and independently.

In one case, a husband always makes decisions without consulting his wife, with such decisions mostly being personal, regarding work, travel, dress, etc. For example, if he changes his job from one company to another, he doesn't believe there's any need to involve his wife in such consultation because he is satisfied and independent in such a decision.

Likewise, he also may purchase something such as a car or a house without his wife's knowledge. In this case, the husband believes that because he's the man, that relates to his ability to buy such things, while the wife has nothing to do with it.

In another case, a wife always excludes her husband from her decisions, believing that it's enough for him to solve work problems and other issues. Thus, she may do things such as change her job, visit her friends or hold parties at her home, which her husband learns about only after the fact. In such situations, the wife claims that she has an independent character and she must make such decisions alone.

In some other cases, a husband considers it his right to know everything his wife will do, especially those things relating to the home, because he believes that, one way or another, all of a wife's affairs relate to the home and his life. If his wife plans a party, he believes he must be consulted because the party will be held at his home, so it relates to him too.

However, there are many affairs a wife mustn't know about and mustn't interfere in at all. For example, when a husband wishes to buy a car, he considers that he'll be the one to pay for and drive it, so his wife can't offer any real consultation in this area.

Some wives consider it their right to know everything about their husband's life, while at the same time believing that it's enough for him to carry the burdens of work and the responsibility for the needs of the home.

As a result, such wives do many things without consulting their husbands, claiming that since they can make the decision alone, there's no need for them to consult him. For example, a wife may host a party at her home without her husband's knowledge, especially if she pays all of the costs for it.

These are common situations and there may be others, but all are matters of social relations, especially in a conservative society such as Yemen's, in which such relations are both significant and sensitive.

So, the matter is left to you, dear readers. I wish you to share about any other cases, presenting your opinions from a critical and unbiased perspective.

Majed Thabet Al-kholidy is a writer from Taiz, currently doing his M.A. at English Dep, Taiz Uni. He is an ex-editor of English Journal of the University.
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