Wrong customs are the cause, Mr Maged [Archives:2007/1073/Community]

August 2 2007

By: Mohammed Saleh Ali Almoqri
Coincidentally, I had thrown an eye on the article that Mr Maged Thabet wrote on the youth page entitled “Reality never lies dear Lamis”, published on the 26th of July, issue No.1071 as reaction for Miss Lamis's comments on the article that Mr Maged published entitled “Marriage nowadays as investment chance” which discussed the difficulties that men face when getting married. This issue immediately reminds me of such hot topics that my colleagues and I are adopting these days, taking place in the faculty of education, Sana'a University. Particularly it reminds me of some unconscious minds, especially girls', who sometimes think in a wrong way.

It is something good that we share ideas and discuss what concern our life and future. For that, I am here to say some words to the public as well as to Miss Lamis and those they have such viewpoints like hers, hoping you to understand my viewpoint correctly in the same time to take it seriously.

As a matter of fact, the problem “how and who to get married” is the hardest decision men come over in their life especially those who has limited income. The difficulties men face when “try” to get married were indicated by Miss Lamis when she said that in order to get married a bridegroom should 'realize' and 'appreciate' whatever needed for the marriage before taking any step. That is a bridegroom should do like others do and follow the customs and traditions which means a heavy dowry should be paid regardless what come after it.

I want to say to Mr Maged do not wonder dear, Miss Lamis is not kidding, she is right. Why? because she has experience this. She accustomed to hear and see other men pay hundreds of thousands (not a metal ring) as dowry. She used to hear them pay tens of thousands (besides the dowry) for the bride's mother, uncle, grandmother, and for (the night) also, instead of (verses from the Holy Qura'an). These are the (traditions and social customs) that Miss Lamis, unfortunately, believes in, while Islam never approves. I am here to clarify these kinds of traditions and customs we have within our societies, which never and ever relate to our complete religion by any way. Besides, I want to remind you all that Islam we know these days is not as the same as Islam of Prophet's era, not due to Islam itself, since it fits every time and place, but due to our carelessness of Islamic instructions. As a result, some of our respectable fathers lack even the basic knowledge that concerns Islamic rules.

I am sorry to say that some fathers sell their daughters as materials; they just focus on how much you will pay? No matter what your morals and religious beliefs would be. It becomes a matter of business. Surely, they do mean it as they say “getting married easily makes men careless” as Miss Lamis claims. This is just an excuse fathers use so that they can get more money. I am here to assure you that the opposite is the right that is to get married difficultly is the main reason for most of family problems. For, fathers forgot the prophet's saying “Hadeeth” which means “the fewer dowries women get, the more blessed they are.”

I did not wonder of what Miss Lamis claimed except when she said that men (of moral) are rarely and few. Let us imagine that they are few and one of them went to a father proposing his daughter, will this father consider his morals? Never, never, Men (of morals) are available, but fathers (of mercy) are rare and few. They cannot differentiate between getting their daughters married and making them commercial deals. For that, it is a natural thing to find problems taking place between a husband and his wife, but at least every problem has a solution as it said, even if this solution reaches a divorce. Mostly, these problems happen due to the absence of understanding between couples and the reason of that based on father who forces his daughter to marry whomever he wants neglecting her right to chose the one she loves and thinks he fits her characteristics and nature as Islam demands.

Eventually, I do appreciate all opinions and viewpoints including Miss Lamis's ones. But I am just wondering of those people who “stick to their guns” even if they are wrong. I hope that I am wrong. However, it is up to you dear readers. Concerning me, what I claimed was from reality, which never lies, as Mr Maged said.

Mohammed Saleh Ali Almoqri is A student at Sana'a University, Faculty of education.

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