Yemeni weddings then and now [Archives:2006/949/Reportage]
Hakim Almasmari
[email protected]
Over the years, weddings in Yemen have changed dramatically. Compared to the past, the casual observer would hardly believe what ceremonies and customs made up a Yemeni wedding in the past. Embellished and quite expensive weddings have replaced the simple and culturally-based traditions of the past. In the estimate of elder Yemenis, weddings these days cost up to 100 times the amount that they formerly cost.
In this article, we will preview how weddings took place in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and in the recent past. The list catalogues the characteristics of weddings then and now. Different regions in Yemen have variegated cultural practices. The listed information focuses on weddings that took place in cities and not in rural areas
Weddings in the 1970s
In general, all cities had the same wedding style. The poor and the rich held more or less equivalent weddings ceremonies, as little was different.
– The wedding lasted three days, and every family practiced the same wedding traditions and procedures.
– The guests were offered only tea and coffee.
– All brides wore almost the same style and design of wedding gowns and dresses.
– The same singers were hired by all families.
– Weddings took place at the family's house or a neighbor's house.
– No invitations were handed out. All families were invited openly through the local mosque by a general announcement. In some situations, even the general announcements were not made.
– The wedding singer arranged all the brides' needs including her bathe at a hammam, her dress, and the make-up for the bride.
– The clothing given to the bride by the groom's family was limited to ten dresses and one pair of shoes.
– Neighbors helped the family holding the wedding by making bread and traditional food such as bint-as-ahn.
– It was a culturally shameful for the entire household to attend the same wedding (daughters, sisters, and mother). Typically, only the mother or one daughter attended the wedding. For this reason, one house was always enough to hold wedding celebrations.
– Huge amounts of gold were not bought for the bride. Simple items such as a ring or earrings were given. Gold belts, heavy necklaces, and bracelets were not common.
Weddings in the 1980s and 1990s
Wedding celebrations eventually changed and traditional weddings became gradually limited to rural, impoverished areas. Customs practiced in the 70s were observed only on rare occasions.
– People started to give cakes and biscuits to their guests. While eating and mingling, music was played on a cassette player.
-Brides started to wear different clothing according to how much each family was willing to spend. A difference became visible between the weddings of the rich and poor.
– Famous singers were invited to sing at the wedding hall. These singers charged huge amounts of money for only four hours of work.
– Weddings began to take place at tents and halls instead of houses. If weddings were conducted in tents, neighbors helped with the in furnishing of the tent.
– Invitations were conveyed by telephone instead of by general public announcement made at the local mosque.
– Brides visited hair-stylists before the sit-in with friends and family.
– The amount of clothing presented to the bride from the groom's family gradually began to increase.
– It became normal for bride's family to ask for golden-belts, as well as necklaces and bracelets, for their daughter.
Present-day ostentatious weddings:
Today everyone is free to have a wedding according to his or her hearts content. Those who wish to be flamboyant opt to hold outlandishly expensive weddings, which result in hundreds of thousands of dollars in expenditure.
– Wedding ceremonies lasting ten days instead of the traditional period of three days. Each day a different woman singer is hired to perform at the wedding for a high fee.
– Qat, flowers, snacks, meals, soft-drinks, tea, and chocolates are given to attendees. Antiques, spring water, special raison drinks are also provided. The bags used to distribute each guest's favors were embroidered with the bride's name.
– Brides have begun to wear more than one dress during the same day. In some situations, each dress might be worth between $1,000 – $3,000. This excludes the expensive footwear and accessories that are worn with each dress. Wedding dresses are typically bought from abroad.
– Each time the bride changes wedding gowns, the gold she wears also changes. The gold given to the bride sometimes weighs tens of kilograms.
– Male singers have begun to sing at all female-only wedding ceremonies. Also, foreign singers are now often invited to sing at the wedding replacing the local singers used in the past. These music groups can cost the family up to thousands of dollars and are paid hourly.
– Dancers seen on local television are invited to dance during the weddings. These dancers come with their own band.
– Some brides refuse to purchase their clothing from Yemen, instead they buy clothing from the Arab Gulf or Europe. The number of suitcases it takes to hold all the clothing bought from abroad number from seven to thirty.
– The main wedding gown tends to cost up to three million Yemeni Rials or $15,000. Some dresses are designed with pieces of gold to make the bride look even more adorable.
– Wedding halls have begun to charge high fees for the service they provide. In well-known, luxurious halls prices exceed 300,000YR ($1,500) per day. These halls tend to be relatively small. The current, well-to-do generation prefers to hold their weddings at pricey hotels with large halls such as the Sheraton Hotel, or the Moevenpick Hotel where it cost as much as $13,000 per day. At these places dinner costs $30 per person. A rough estimate shows that if 500 people were invited, the cost of food alone would total $15,000.
– Wedding invitations have changed dramatically. Now they are not only made of hard paper, but also of wood, plastic, and sometimes jewels. Expensive clothing are used to wrap the invitation as if they were gifts themselves: hundreds of families have started to give gifts such as the Holy Quran, perfumes, antiques, books, and other valuables. Recently, invitations made of thick glass with the groom and brides names imprinted on them have started to increase in popularity. Such invitations can cost up to 80 times more than the normal paper invitations.
– Brides have started to employ personal caretakers during their wedding-days. The bride is obliged to give each caretaker matching dresses and other wedding accoutrements at her personal expense.
– After the bride takes her seat among the guests, her caretakers walk around the hall and spread expensive fragrance. The fragrances used are a mixture of Eastern and Western quality perfumes, such as oud, musk, and amber.
– The bride's sitting place is known as the Koshah. The Koshah can cost a fortune depending on what type of rear-view is chosen. Recently, a rear-view resembling famous local and international places such as old Sana'a and Dubai are in favor instead of the flowers used less than two years ago.
– The family of the bride shows more standing at wedding ceremonies when they hire tens of waitresses and bus boys to keep the place organized and clean throughout the festivities.
– Photographers are hired to take video-clips and photographs for every stage of the wedding. These photographers are offered nearly $1,000 for their work.
– Limousines are the latest of prestige item employed to show-off at weddings.
– Male family members now buy the latest automobile models and use them to follow the bride to her husband's house. When they reach the husband's house, they leave the car as a gift for the bride.
General Comments
– Wealthy families are usually the reason for the start of these new fads. The fact that a family can buy the latest fashions shows one family's prosperity over the others. Over time, their actions gradually become into cultural norms for weddings.
– In the past, wedding expenses cost less than the engagement process of present day.
– The number of divorces has risen to new heights, especially among the rich. Divorces among the higher classes of society occurring during the first month of marriage have grown greatly. This could be blamed on the high cost of the marriages that they have. From a religious point of view, Islamic teachings recommend having a wedding at the lowest possible cost. Prophet Mohammed, PBUH, says in a hadith: “the most blessed marriages are those with the least expenses.”
– Wealthy Yemenis believe that they are only using the wealth that god has bestowed upon them. Therefore
