Humility before GodSearching for peace? [Archives:2003/698/Opinion]

December 29 2003

By Adam Taha
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I have found peace, but the search for it did not come so easily. I travelled on hard road, looking for something to ease the voice that world stir my soul for so many years. It did not come through walking into the light. I had to walk in the dark for years to appreciate the light when it came and one needs to be genuine in its search, in their words and within their hearts and souls.
My fellow man holds a candle and it is in the day. That is how the world is today. Yes, still they become blind no matter how bright the light shines. Peace of mind, that which soothes the heart and soul. Such is that feeling, that the love for God grows so much that you can't help but to forgive man, even in their darkest and mischievous hours, days, weeks, months and years.
I have lost all a man could lose in life to find that I have so much to live for. I have met the darkest faces of my fellow man and woman. I found enemies so close, that they were the faces of those I have so loved so much that, in my home, I would give them everything they see in my home but it was not enough. I have loved like I never loved before to find it being betrayed so many a times.
I have traveled through my life to see the mirror of my fellow man whether it is war, genocide, poverty, theft and most of all, and the one who I thought was my soul mate. All of these in their eyes were but a need, a thirst for something not real, not lasting but for this world.
I have walked in the night with tears and cried to no avail. No help came and yet, how can it be that I so love my fellow man and woman no matter who are they, what they believe in? I have so reflected on death many a times, so scared of it, always rushing to build something in this life, but deep inside I knew I can't take it with me.
Why is it that such peace has now come to even not worry anymore if I would to lose my loved one that I found? Not that I am saying I don't love her but why I feel so at peace, relaxed, leaving such affairs in another power and say, 'l shall love and whatever may come, it has been written', why so at peace?

Why do I not hate my enemies, or those who have let my world crumble before me? It is simple: I learnt to do the hardest thing. I forgave myself.
I don't blame myself anymore and I learned that everything is written, and whatever one does, whatever one takes, I know that God knows.
He will deal with them. I know now, my destinations is not the women in this world, nor in the glory of this world. Nor do I live as a Muslim to strive to enter Paradise or Hell. I do what I do now because I love my Lord. It is to please Him alone now.
There is nothing in the world that means so much to me now than pleasing my Lord. When this suddenly embraced me, I began to think what does He want me to do? To forgive my fellow man. To love my neighbours, to forgive even if it seems so impossible to others to do so because such people take so much, do such harm but they do it only to themselves. And I walk away not angry anymore, but more with sad feeling that my fellow man is hurting him or herself. I wish I could've done something to give so much so they want no more.
I walk now with such a feeling that I know He is watching me and even now, when times are hard, I smile, I laugh and my friends wonder 'how come he is laughing when such a thing has happening to him?' I laugh because such tests for me are like God is saying “I haven't forgotten you. I am testing you because I love you and I want to show something beautiful about life, and how beautiful it is to be patient, to let go and be at peace again My servant.”
My life is not perfect, there are so many things I need to do. As a matter of fact, I will always need God. I will always need Allah and I would be so lost without Him. And every morning when I wake up, every night before I go to sleep, and between the day and night, five times a day, I speak to Him and say:
“Thank you Allah, I understand now. I do Lord, I understand now. I'm ready Lord.”
And I've let go of the world and its like a mountain, a great burden on my shoulders disappeared and I feel light on my feet and I smile a lot. I may not have much to the eyes of the world but if they really could see the treasures God has hidden inside of me they would fight me for it.
Peace? It will not come until we are at Peace with ourselves. How beautiful that feeling of inner peace is. How lucky I am to have found myself at such a stage of my life when I am still young.

The Lord of bounty
How fortunate I am not to fear death no more or anything the world may do. How blessed I am for being able to see the little things that make life so beautiful. How bountiful the Lord is for giving me a life filled with such wonders of the human heart, the spirit of man and to be able to see the beauty in this world even at its darkest times.
How merciful He is to share, to give me such a gift to feel peace. How I am at awe on the miracles I see every day. It feels like I am a child still, amazed of every movement of the sky, the earth and even the breathe I take. How saddening it is, I couldn't just hand this feeling to my fellow man.
Peace. Man walks through the world with a candle indeed and yet it is day, the light is bright and still he is blind.
How we so forgotten the purpose of life. I pity the man and woman who lives their lives for want so much from this world and to not want to give what they have so recieved even if it is but a smile.
God is great my people, but how so many twist the meaning of Islam. God is great, but see how many of our Imams do not speak with true love for their Ummah but use us as tools, pawns in a chess games.
God is great, and yet how blind we are to forget that we will never win anything without returning to Him and realizing the power of Salat. God is Great and yet it is shouted with vanity and not humility and awe and understanding that..
There is no victory but that which belongs to Allah alone and we are here to serve Him alone not puppets and bring peace to our people, our nations, and the world.
God is great my people and yet how many of our leaders who speak of wanting to follows our Prophet's ways (SAW) and use his name and our Lord's name and rich how many mansions they have while our people starve.
God is great, and yet how many billions is given to my people and not a penny is seen. Allah my people is great and crime, the greatest crime of all my people is that we ask such leaders for help? They who failed us, who do not love Allah and stir your souls to hate?

God is great and He shall Insha-Allah deal with them all. Peace shall not come until it is given birth again within the heart and soul of man. Only then shall we have peace.
How beautiful it is and I can see peace, waiting for us all to have courage. I pray for no more deaths. Enough of the lies my people. This is not what Allah wanted!
Peace to you all.