On getting carried away socially [Archives:2005/859/Opinion]

As some Yemenis get to acquire affluence by legitimate and illicit means (anyone who says there is none of the latter is fooling no one but him/herself), there is a tendency to translate common social events into extravaganzas that sometimes defy logic. There are many circumstances that bring Yemenis socially together ranging from wedlock to the passing away of relatives etc. When Sana'a was a small almost rural enclave in the heart of what is called the Sana'a Grounds (Qa'a Sana'a), the surface that lies in the midst of all the mountains that surround the city, its social occasions were characterized by an almost rural simplicity and were usually cooperative efforts that minimized the costs to the family involved. Of course, population size had a lot to do with keeping the number of participants somewhat under control, but there was a tendency to make sure that festive occasions (wedlock, holidays, returning Mecca pilgrims, etc.) were exactly that – festive and enjoyable to all the participants. Weddings would last for a week or so, but with the minimum strain on both the groom and bride's family. To start off, dowries and other betrothal preliminaries were hardly taxing on the anxious groom's family and the bride's family. They were generally defined by religious ordinances, which were further legislatively imposed in the mid-Seventies. Anyone, who exceeded the set amounts for dowries, etc, would be subject to swearing that there was no infraction of the effective statutes. With moral conscientiousness still strong in those days, people were afraid to have to swear as such. As affluence increased, and as laws became less enforceable, especially if they were in favor of the little or common folks, social degeneration also increased. People raced to see who can outdo other people in the way they conducted their weddings and how much was finally dished out by both the groom's and bride's family. Moreover, since the guests of a wedding feast would hardly exceed fifty persons, wedding feasts were more enjoyable and less taxing on the sponsors. But nowadays, it is not uncommon to go to wedding feasts where one will see literally hundreds of people, yet finding himself hardly knowing most of the people sitting proximate to him. Because of the large guest lists that people draw up, most people who will attend will hardly stay more than an hour (except maybe for the direct family), unless they are accorded a luncheon, which then might induce the guest to stay another hour out of politeness (or for being too full too move anywhere). The luncheons themselves are a horrible display of waste and sloppiness that reflect a total disregard for the prevalence of hunger among many Yemeni families that are living below the poverty line. As for enjoyment, it comes down to zero. Quite often, nowadays one will hear people say that a wedding invitation is more like a summons and one is forced to attend or else they will be considered inconsiderate of the thoughtfulness of the hosts. Because of the large guest lists, it is impossi8ble to hold the wedding feasts in homes anymore, so wedding halls were set up to accommodate the hundreds of people that trickle in and out for the five or six hours in the afternoon chew. Maybe around 25% will linger on for the evening festivities and usually these are the close relatives, friends and neighbors. Yet even these are now purely ceremonial without the joviality that used to be observed in weddings that would last for days, just some twenty years ago. In the past, if there was some problem with premises, the neighbors would open up their houses for annexes to the host's home and the two or three families that may be involved will all be turned into one family.

When a family looses a relative nowadays, they will also become candidates for loosing their shirt. Quite often they will have to rent halls to be able to accommodate the hundreds of mourners, who parade in and out during the afternoon. Many are obliged to serve lunch to all those who attend the funeral, because of their social standing and again one will not fail to notice the obvious waste and mess that arises out of them. In the past you will see more people coming to the religious segments of paying tribute to the dead, but now you will hardly see a fraction of the people, who came to pay their respects, go to the mosques for the sunset prayer and a minor recitation of the Qur'an.

Thus, it is really time to take a look at instituting regulations that cut down on the hardships of people who wish to have weddings or who are fated to loose a relative. There are many ways that this could be done, but it would be wiser to have people meet in neighborhoods and communities to explore the different ways that would cut down expenses and waste and return some of the enjoyment that is the original reason for having such feasts, in the first place. As for funerals and their aftermath, the old system of cooperative contribution and premises sharing would help the relatives of the deceased get a real sense of the grief of those who attend, rather than hardly realizing who actually came to express their sympathy.

There is a lot we can learn from the way of life in the good old days, by understanding the motives behind our feasting and gathering, which went far beyond showing off and trying to outdo each other on extravagance.
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